Some days begin like any other, and take a different path Others begin so well and end with wrath Life becomes a TV show, watched only by you And you watch silently as it comes apart, no tape, no glue One of these nights I will gaze down at you and revere But that day isn't coming, as my eyes fill with fear Eye contact? I think not, I'm not worthy of your gaze For now it's my ego but my confidence always pays. Come the darkness, the hours, the worry and the glee Your eyes contain a disdain that cancels out my plea And what can I say, that will change your mind? And unveil a rare gem, that I may find? Stalk the back alleys, the bathhouses and the racks But three shall be a number, you will never crack Who I am was no consequence before To forget my life for one hour I'm a whore. But the hour ends and I return from my perch of no pain 8 hours I sleep, the other 16 a struggle to remain sane. And my friend looks in my eyes, sees me look grim And smiling mouths the words "You slept with HIM?" Embarassment drives me up Halsted Street in shame And I eventually come up limping as if I'll go lame And I reach a corner, below the sign fading from green My life as an adult, was I ever really a teen? I stare into the darkness, to the north shine the stars To the south a heat rivaling the planet Mars Turning, a breath, I stumble toward the light Bright as a sun, but false, it's night My mind screams at me turn back, and I eventually will To present my memories with a defaulting bill But now I keep going, to meet a lover who doesn't exist Or at least not the one that I've always wished. The next night I return, the darkness permeats And a shudder passes through The dance shall resume, never to end Only pause when the sky turns blue I don't dance any more, I probably never will again No more shall I stay til the day becomes new And no more shall I counsel the unknown Who pass into history, memory fade believing they are alone Let the past die. I cannot.
Reason for writing:
This poem has been a long time coming.
Birth sign: Aries
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