Goodbye is a word I can never say, at least not out loud And it's harder to say it in my mind I never held your hand because she didn't want me to see what you had become I never cried for you, I wasn't at your funeral using the excuse "She's at peace now." Truth was I thought you'd pull through Thinking about it now, I feel so dumb Blue skies hold out hope as you flew away from me My sadness still weighs heavily As I watched you leave me and helplessly I can't really figure out what life's all about My mind sits in a pit of pain I hide through laughs and smiles That ache dully from a hell that only exists in my brain A blacker rain never fell upon us Was I supposed to go? Was I supposed to see? Was I reacting so immature and selfishly? You'll never see it but it hurt and it seared and it resurrected my biggest, my worst ever fear As this butterfly flew, well out of my reach I began to cry, but it was only inside They tried to put on a brave face, or I know that I did Did they know how to love? or even how to care? Stoically I tried to remember our best times Came up with little, mind locked in a fog like a drain with an an immovable, impenetrable clog I never thought it would hit so hard Why try to recall if I thought she'd last til fall? I don't care, I wanted her to keep on going And we sit upon this earth, two by two? Who cares, keep on fuckin rowing I know death is a regular occurance, and I know mine will not be something I hear But I fade away into the sands of time Knowing that the way we hurt each other is a crime I never tried to understand, Sadly now I do with clarity That a person that comes along like you, a butterfly? A rarity.
Reason for writing:
Dedicated to my Aunt Shirley, who died of cancer 2 weeks ago.
Birth sign: Aries
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