Who I'm Not.

by Twan - Aries

I can see how you look at me.

I know what you think
I know exactly your words 
I know what you're going to say

You'll look and you'll judge
Easy to pigeonhole
It'll make me feel better
If I can make him lesser

You don't know anything about me
Don't pretend
Dead-eyed, I look at you
Expression neutral, defend

The saga continued
The return commenced
in the bar, a sidelong glance
in the street, no chance

I was home, I was there
I looked down the street
and the old familiar sights
weren't familiar at all.

I could see them sizing me up
"who's he? what's his game?"
Assume they did
What I was up to.

I said I was up to nothing
I walked around, eyes neutral
it had all changed.
And yet, none of it was new.

Assume I'm some hustler, studying the landscape.
Assume I'm some john, ready to pay
five minutes of satisfaction against a backdrop of shame
Keep telling yourself who you think I am

Or am I a street urchin, shaking off the rain?
No, but thanks for playing without pain.

Still unsure of who I am?
Go ahead, in your mind, make me who I'm not. 
It doesn't bother me. 
Much. 

I sat there, pensive, studying the buildings
for any sign of life.
It never happened, never blinked.
De olde days is gone, mon. 

I was happy to return
and I cut the strings
you forgot who I was not
that's okay, so did I.

Happy to get back to the place
where I once lived.
but still unknown
this time, I choose that fate.

Everything must change. 
Even when it's not supposed to.

Reason for writing:

    I thought of a poem not unlike this during my last visit to Chicago at the beginning of September. I had been gone so long that almost all of the faces were new to me, and I saw none of my friends, and things that were landmarks to me during my last few years there were gone.    

Birth sign: Aries
Date created: 2008-09-26 00:32:33
Last updated: 2021-03-03 14:47:11
Poem ID: 71887

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