To Become

by Twan - Aries

My friend, I enjoy these nights with you
as we point and laugh and live
I don't know what it is you expect from me
Seems I have nothing to give.

So what's all the hype you get?
How do you resist the urge
to destroy relationships and love that took years
and years and years to emerge?

Show me the source of your power
The ace you hold up your sleeve
You were going to tell me
but I had to leave.

And time passed, and we matured
and we saw things differently than before
You wanted much less
I wanted much more
Sickened you were by your ability, while I wanted to possess
That charisma you had, that drive, of which I had so much less.

You didn't expect to be a mentor
that much I understand
but the events that took place
took shape at my hand.

God created the stars, and the galaxy
with a wave of his palm
But he created you special
how come you're so calm? 
As I am created in the image of me 
that you conceived
That day you walked away from me
Have I yet ceased to grieve?

You didn't die, you simply moved on
but left a legacy I could not ensconce
"Where's Jesse?" they asked me, but
I had no response.

You disappeared into the recesses of the misty fog of time
but one did not forget
I aspired to be the best friend you had
well, after sunset.
Did I succeed? Did I fail?
Did I seem to be too close?
Did I hide my light under a bushel
til you were all convinced I wasn't verbose?

What was it I was to become?
For some reason I can't recall
and the predawn gloom of a Chicago morning without you
casts a shadowy pall
And what's left of our fused legacies?
The Jesse-Antwan Trust?
Why, they tore out the soul of Boystown.

And it blew away in the dust.

Reason for writing:

    When I first came out, I met the best friend I'll ever have at the age of 17 one night. After a long, long time, during which we never had any physical contact, I fell in brotherly love with this man, and he was always the first person I'd look for walking around Halsted Street. One day just before autumn got us in Chicago, he announced to me that he was moving to Nebraska, and that situation inspired this poem that, despite the passage of time, is descriptive of the feelings that I had. The poem was actually twice as long as this, but the ending of this poem is contingent upon my last visit home. Also, it was MUCH rawer emotionally, and entirely too honest about how I felt.    

Birth sign: Aries
Date created: 2009-06-29 06:33:30
Last updated: 2021-03-03 14:47:13
Poem ID: 72008

You need to log in to edit this poem if it is yours.

View more poems by Twan.