Sometimes I speak but you don't reply Wistfully I reflect I close my eyes and imagine your body Before you I genuflect Who knew a big girl could be so pretty Who knew she could change me But she never got the chance because she was estranged from me It's alright, and okay, and there's something to live for And despite the good things I had with you, why can't I have more? What's that? Other men? Someone else enters the frame? Annoyed on the outside the mask the burning shame Your new boyfriend has money, I'm a responsible adult But one that never had a chance, because he had no game So I close my eyes, and see the night that we made love When the night sky flashed above us on repeat Cold outside, yet you and I slept in my bed without a sheet I knew that I loved you, but I didn't want it to end So in denial I didn't and I wouldn't I faked being so blase but I didn't say what I wanted to-I couldn't. I watched you pull slowly away from me And there was nothing I could do. I didn't want you to get on that plane Yet away from me you flew. I knew what would happen when you got away from me I lay quietly in your spot on the bed I felt like you and I could have been married yet it only happened in my head. Disgusted I look at myself with a question in my face The answer may surprise She'll come back, I told myself Contented with the lie. Fuck love, I said, it never works nobody overlooks MY quirks. Closing my eyes, I imagine a day when me and my HBD would reunite When we'd love each other dearly either behind doors or in plain sight But it won't happen. Not now, not ever, can't be Like Shlemiel and his damned boots, heading in toward Chelm 3. It's a journey into the heart of a man cynically seeking the truth An indictment I offer the court of appeals rejected harshly without proof Sadly, without C, my last attempt at love As recent events have shown I'll pull on these old nailed boots and make my journey aloneBirth sign: Aries
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