I could never figure out why I drank It wasn't really fun I hated getting out of bed wore glasses without sun It changed my personality from sweet to sour I went from gentle giant to "see my power!" I was an asshole when I drank, the last to know was me Nearly lost my best friend, when I finally got to see I thought I was a better person when I drank. Thought I was cool But it was well past time to stop when it began affecting school I'm bad at math. This I know But I wasn't supposed to be that horrid. Not in that flow. It made me look at myself in a way that's too hard to do Take myself apart, but first hide the glue Examine myself, look at my stomach which grew then yell at myself in the mirror "FUCK YOU!" Understand I drank to mask the rage and pain and shame that flowed through me like lava and burned like a flame And understand that people thought I was a clown when I drank, which is why I finally put the bottle down. It's painful at times to go through life sober, deal with issues straight And sometimes I wish for a drink, to resign myself to fate But then again, I'm the only one who can write that scene This isn't a Lifetime movie...hell, I don't know what I mean I live a gay life, gay friends, gay agenda It's tough enough to deal with without being a Wallenda And worse, it's tough to be a bearish guy who likes twinks (somewhat) And asking myself: Do I want or do I need this drink? That'll change me from sweet Twan to a scumbag in a blink? So I had to stop. I quit. Walked away. No more. And I worry all the time that now I'm a pompous bore. But that's a small price to pay to be back as I There is no success at this unless I try. Eight weeks of sobriety. This is in the bag. Unless I keep looking at myself, where my resolve begins to sag. Then I remember. And suddenly, I feel fine And finally through the door into Week Nine.Birth sign: Aries
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